So, in honor of Toru's birthday, I come bearing a one-shot that I wrote ages ago but never posted. I figured I had to do something for the little guy's birthday! Enjoy!
Pairing: Toru x Yuujirou
Warnings: mentions of sexual acts, sexual innuendo
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you
The first time is different for everyone.
Whether it is with a male or a female, whether it is late in life or slightly too early, whether it is planned or happens in a fit of passion, a thousand tiny differences set everyone’s loss of innocence apart.
For Kouno Toru, it happened in early spring, on his narrow bottom bunk in the P-room. The window, open to the warm twilight, had brought in the fresh scent of the grass outside on the grounds, cut earlier that afternoon and cast the soft glow of setting sun across bare skin. It happened when he was not quite seventeen, not quite finished with first year, and not quite ready, by all accounts. But it happened nevertheless, and he found it strange for many reasons. It was unplanned, it was frivolous, and it was bizarre.
And then there was the fact that it had happened with Shihoudani Yuujirou.
He had shared a special, unspoken bond with Yuujirou for as long as he had known him. Almost since the very beginning, they had been best friends. Of course, times change, and as time went by their relationship had subtly morphed into something confusing and unfamiliar. It had started with a simple kiss, mostly just to scare Sayaka away. But it was more to both of them than either liked to admit, and it was the start of their metamorphosis. They had gone from typical, carefree best friends to something entirely removed from innocent.
It had begun with kisses, stretched out over the span of months. It had graduated to kisses that were deeper and more forceful in their intent, bodies pressed against each other as the dresses fell away and left them exposed together with nothing but underwear to keep them decent. And then, of course after months of avoiding and pretending and resisting, it had come to the sex.
It had come in a sudden rush of unexpected desire, which he could readily admit was mostly Yuujirou‘s fault. After a long day filled with princess duties, he relished returning to the P-room the relax. As they did every day, he and Yuujirou changed into their normal clothing. But this evening, something had been different. Yuujirou had slid out of his dress slowly, his golden eyes fixed intently on him as he moved almost seductively, his attitude almost forcing Toru to take in his slender waist, his narrow hips, his pale, smooth skin. And this time when they kissed, there was the unspoken knowledge that it felt different, tasted different with the fact that they both knew this time. They knew it wouldn’t end with kissing, and there was little they could do to stop it.
Toru had done his best to resist the urge to give in completely, but in the end had failed miserably. Within minutes Yuujirou’s lean body was on top of him, pressed against him as they shared kiss after kiss, their bodies becoming more and more sensitive to each other’s touches as they went on. Toru felt clumsy and inexperienced with Yuujirou, who moved with fluid grace and knew exactly what he wanted. He felt as though he was the only one losing himself in this for the first time, though he knew for a fact Yuujirou was too. He tried to stay focused, tried to stay alert. But all he could think of was Yuujirou’s touches and both of their heavy breathing. And before he even knew what was happening he wasn’t a virgin anymore.
For some, the first time is strictly pleasure. For others, there is the inevitable pain. And of course in this case there was pain. Toru had never had anything in that particular orifice before, and he did his best not to cry out. He clutched his friend tightly and breathed in the scent of his smooth golden tresses and tried his best not to allow tears. He wasn’t some bride on her wedding night, was he? Tears were not acceptable. He was just… a teenager unexplainably having sex with his best friend? He didn’t even know what he was anymore. All he knew was that it hurt and felt wonderful all at once, and that Yuujirou’s muffled groans that escaped even though his mouth was pressed against Toru’s neck were the most attractive sounds he had ever heard in his life.
Afterward, to his own surprise, he didn’t feel lost or afraid or even different. Such a monumental change was supposed to make him feel like a different person, wasn’t it? But he didn’t feel different. He only felt sticky and hot with the remainder of the pain tugging on the edge of his consciousness. He and Yuujirou stayed close together, their bodies still glistening with sweat. He watched Yuujirou’s face, colored with blush, as he caught his breath slowly over the minutes, still naked, still close, still together.
Toru was not naïve. Despite all their kisses and teasing and flirting, despite the fact that they had just made love, he was not impractical enough to refer to Yuujirou as his boyfriend. But as he lay here on the softness of the sheets in the small bed with the soft light calming him, it almost felt like he was. Yuujirou lay on his side next to him, one hand propping up his head as he gazed at Toru languidly, the fingers of his other hand tracing delicate patterns on the bed sheet.
He looked absolutely beautiful with the fading sunlight glinting through his usually immaculate blond hair. It was now a confused mess, fanning out at odd angles. His skin was flushed pink from the actions that had happened only minutes ago, and his mouth was tilted in a lazy grin, far removed from his usual, courteous princess smile but far more gratifying in all its sincerity. Usually when he looked at the blond, he only say his sarcastic, playful best friend. But looking now he saw attractiveness and a sleek sensuality, and he could help but wonder if he would ever he able to look at Yuujirou the way he had before again.
“Oi, Toru,” he drawled softly, one hand reaching across the tiny gap between them and playing idly with a lock of his companion’s soft blue hair. “Are you okay?”
Toru blushed softly at the touch, which made little sense to him after what they had just done. He trailed his eyes up Yuujirou’s slender arm and then to his face, where narrow honey-colored eyes watched him intently.
“Sure. I’m fine, I just…” he didn’t know what to say, and he allowed his eyes to drop down to the bed rather than looking at Yuujirou. He felt Yuujirou’s hand leave his hair and cup his cheek, and he looked up then, startled.
“What is it?” it was uncharacteristic of Yuujirou to sound so gentle, and he regarded the blue-haired boy with a kind of softness in his eyes. Toru couldn’t keep anything from him when he was like this.
“I just feel like… I don’t know. Like maybe we shouldn’t have done that?” his voice was shaky, and he wasn’t sure why. “Like maybe it was wrong?”
“Toru…” Yuujirou’s voice was that tender purr again. Toru shivered slightly and moved forward cautiously, nestling his head under the blond’s chin. He stiffened in response, but relaxed gradually and put a comforting hand on the small of his back. “What was wrong about it? There’s nothing wrong with sex, Toru. I’m glad we did it.”
“But I always just sort of…” he felt embarrassed saying these things to someone like Yuujirou. “Sort of imagined doing it with someone I planned to be with forever and…” he didn’t want to say any more. This private part of his life was not something he wanted to burden Yuujirou with.
The aforementioned blond squeezed him slightly and chuckled. “You’re such a girl, Toru,” he said teasingly, his fingers twirling absentmindedly at Toru’s hair. Toru smiled slightly at his friend’s lighthearted attitude and then gave a small squeak of surprise when Yuujirou pulled away from him and looked fiercely into his eyes. He looked serious now, and Toru’s stomach knotted in anticipation as Yuujirou closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again, his fingers fiddling with the sheet as he spoke in a voice that sounded nothing like his own. It sounded almost timid, shy, and afraid. “Toru?”
“I…” the Western princess looked determined now, and he stared straight into Toru’s eyes. “I want… I want to be with you.”
That single sentence was the most surprising thing Toru had ever heard. Eyes wide, he surveyed the blond to make sure he was serious. Cheeks flushed a delicate pink, Yuujirou was avoiding his eyes and doing his best to appear nonchalant. He was failing miserably.
“Yuujirou…” he didn’t know what to say or what to think. He could only stare as Yuujirou pulled him close again, shaking far more than Toru had ever seen him shake and staring straight into his eyes.
“I’m asking you to be with me, Toru. I understand if you don’t want to, or if the thought disgusts you. I just-”
Smiling, Toru lifted his finger to Yuujirou’s lips, shushing him. He looked both indignant and surprised, and when Toru was sure he wasn’t going to speak again, he dropped his hand. “Of course I want to be with you, Yuujirou. Don’t be an idiot.” Yuujirou was grinning stupidly at him now, and as he brought their lips together, he whispered against Yuujirou’s lips. “Thought you’d never ask.”
This time, the kiss was different than the earlier, frenzied ones. It was different than the awkward ones they had shared in the pass. It was open, honest, and completely confident. Toru allowed himself to be held in Yuujirou’s arms, allowed himself to be kissed gently and feel the gentle stirrings in his chest of what he was sure would eventually be love. He had never been in love before. This was the first time.
The first time is different for everyone. For Kouno Toru, it happened in early spring, on his narrow bottom bunk in the P-room.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide